I was chatting to a friend the other day who admits to spending a lot of her time dreaming about her 'other life', the one where everything is just so. She works in an office, a dull office. When you need money, a job is a job, and office work is still quite lucrative. At least it pays bills. But I don't envy her, not really. I used to work in an office, many offices, all over the place. I was a temp to perm and I used to dream a lot to relieve the mind numbing boringness of number crunching and endless meeting bookings. I lost myself in things like myspace (this was in the days before Facebook - yes there was a time) and message boards and talk to people I had never met and probably never would. And I suddenly realised that I haven't dreamt like that in a long time.
I suppose that now I am not in an office, now I am doing what I want and I work predominantly from home, to my own rules and in a much better environment that I don't need to dream. But is dreaming just aspirations, hopes and fears? We all need those surely. Even if the dreams aren't obtainable surely they are therapy. Or are we just torturing ourselves?
I dream of things being different that's for sure. Oh, if money was no object nothing would be same I know that much. Well that is one pipedream I can never subscribe to. I don't believe that you win money. I've never been lucky like that. I don't play the lottery. I think that money has to be earned, nurtured, invested and planned for. I am a business woman at heart I feel, I was never taught it, it's just in the blood.
But oh to have money - that it was no object and that jackpot win was mine (even if that's not possible because I don't subscribe to the notion of buying the ticket and lining some fat directors pocket). But think of the house - the dinners - the ultimate escape - the holidays.
Bliss is bliss.
Money does bring happiness, anyone who says otherwise hasn't had it, hasn't lived the dream or has abused it and not survived to tell the tale unbroken. At least, it would make me esctatic. It would clear up a lot of my problems and damn it I would be happy. I used to have money and I was happy. I had holidays to beautiful places, I didn't have to worry if I could afford to eat properly that month, I went to a gym and got fit not fat - which ultimately made me happy. And I invested which made me feel safe.
I've sacrificed all that for the long term goal - ambition. I split from my husband in 2008. My divorce settlement which wasn't huge since there was nothing to have, was just enough to reinvest in my education (something I'd never had) and still leave me a bit to set up a business when I leave in 2012 and cover expenses for a while should it take its time in coming. This puts me into a position of control, which is how I like to be. This also makes me happy. It means I am not financially dependant on you know who, who makes me feel insecure, unhappy about myself and used.
Right now it means I can afford my Uni education, top up student finance which doesn't even cover my bills and live in a house not a student house share. I've done that, never again. I need my space to live and to work. And a garden I can use and not be trashed by pissheads. I hate students generally speaking. All their attitudes are arse about face, I have to get away from that. Oh the young....
Anyway, so here I am...end of....
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